Yesterday, i was looking through my previous posts, from the first month this blog started. May 2006.

A lot has changed since then... Never can i expect myself to say something like "i miss my darling" again... Not with that kinda man anyway. (silly ex.)

So much has happened with men, till the extent that i've become soooo skeptical about making one my boyfriend.

Honestly, with Thomas... Every thing's still pretty much KIV.

Tomorrow, i'll be booking a ticket to fly over.

And from then, we decide about "us".

I'm still skeptical though. And it's mighty scary for me to fly over alone.

I just hope someone will be there for me. Waiting at the airport.

Truth is, i'm scared. About what exactly, i'm not sure.

Everything feels like a dream, how fast time flies. 

From the day i know him, till now, and what we have been these few months. Well easy for him, he's just sitting on his couch, sleeping on his bed, driving his fast car (damn) and waiting for me at HIS STATE'S airport.

I'm Packing my luggage, throwing in the winter wear, wondering about the weather over there, if i have enough warm clothing, if i brought enough money, if he's really a good man (he is, but in times of disbelief, u know, all the doubts surfaces.), if i need to collect my luggage during transit, if my plane will crash (how many times must i tell people that i actually hate plane rides a lot a lot?), if people actually understands english...

U know, the more i think about it, the crazier it seems, the scarier it seems, the more impossible it seems, the more IT FEELS LIKE A DREAM.

BUT, I WILL NOT BACK OUT. NOT WHEN I HAVE WAITED FOR SO LONG AND HE'S WAITED FOR SO LONG FOR THIS "REUNION" (HAHA). 

I just watched Gossip Girl. It's sooooo damn saddening. I can just understand how Blair feels.  I used to think chick flick, romance novels, tv drama series, ARE ALL OVERRATED. Apparently not. These things (the happenings that were shown / written) are all based on real life experiences.

Oh my goodness, my whole post's getting sappy...

Nonetheless... I'm still feeling a twinge of fear, a twinge of uncertainty, a twinge of doubt.

After tomorrow, after the booking of tickets, there will be no backing out anymore.

I can imagine the day i would stand. small and alone, at Changi Airport, taking a deep breath and finally believing i am doing it.

And the day i'll stand at Cologne airport, breathing out, finally believing i have done it.

I'll wait for the latter. I'll look forward to the latter.

He'd better take care of me. He'd better be there when i'm there. He'd better be living up to my expectation of what makes a good man.

I can't believe i am seeing the man that i saw 6 months ago, in just 1.5 month's time.

OH MY FUCKING GOD.

Cologne Airport. Thank god there's only 2 terminals.

Some shopping mall in cologne

A church.

On top of that, my darling guarantees me a big city outside of Germany.

Tentatively, most probably, Paris.

Till i book my ticks!